@TheBoydP

The book I bought on dog training doesn’t seem to be working. I don’t think she’s even reading it.

You Might Also Like

@DropsNoPanties

Barista: Did you hear Netflix is raising its price $2 a month?

Me: Ridiculous! I won’t pay it!

B: here’s your coffee. $12.32

M: thank you

@bazecraze

According to hotel AC, the difference between 72 degrees and 73 degrees is 40 degrees.

@LizzieEMB

Turns out when you’re a grown up, you CAN do anything you want, you just have to deal with the fallout…

*pizza dough plops on head*

@charmfoz

The best things in life are free. Unless it’s herpes. Stay away from people who want to give you free herpes.

@UncleDuke1969

Son: What’re the trailers for?
Farmer: Goin’ to market.
S: Why 3 of ’em?
F: One carries cows, one hauls pigs.
S: That one?
F: Totes m’goats.

@SuperTeeWhy

[Bar]
“Two long necks please”

Giraffe in the back: Wow. Did he just-

Giraffe’s wife: Cliff, he didn’t mean anything by it please sit down