Jesus Christ, google you’re gonna get him killed
The book I bought on dog training doesn’t seem to be working. I don’t think she’s even reading it.
You Might Also Like
Barista: Did you hear Netflix is raising its price $2 a month?
Me: Ridiculous! I won’t pay it!
B: here’s your coffee. $12.32
M: thank you
According to hotel AC, the difference between 72 degrees and 73 degrees is 40 degrees.
Turns out when you’re a grown up, you CAN do anything you want, you just have to deal with the fallout…
*pizza dough plops on head*
I like my ex’s like I like my coffee…
Ground up and in the freezer
The best things in life are free. Unless it’s herpes. Stay away from people who want to give you free herpes.
Son: What’re the trailers for?
Farmer: Goin’ to market.
S: Why 3 of ’em?
F: One carries cows, one hauls pigs.
S: That one?
F: Totes m’goats.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
“Two long necks please”
Giraffe in the back: Wow. Did he just-
Giraffe’s wife: Cliff, he didn’t mean anything by it please sit down
The average person swallows 3 cats on their drive home from work.