THE BREAKFAST CLUB (1985): Five white heterosexual suburban American 17-year-olds manage to find common ground.

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I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn’t even lift him. We high-fived & laughed.


I told an ex of mine that i wished she was more punctual. So, from then on, she added !!!!!!! to every text. I have picked some winners.


men r from mars , women r frm venus , neither are capable of reproducton or space travel so species dies out [RECALIBRATE SIMULATION?] <Y/N>


Friend: I can’t believe they’re already selling Halloween candy in sto—

Me: *Already in the car, driving to the store*


you know there’s a generation gap when kids are talking about tik tok and you realize they’re not talking about the pop classic Tik Tok by Kesha released in 2009


ME: “Nemo” is Latin for “no one,” so in essence he is searching for nothing, a spectre. His voyage crosses many planes, into the depths of the underworld, led by a fool who speaks riddles. He is King Lear lost in the storm, but also Dante traversing Hell
MY CHILDREN: We hate you


Been playing hide n’ seek with my niece and nephew for the last three hours. I guess I should get off twitter and go and look for them now.


Girl, are you a barnacle? Because you suck and I can’t get you off my boat