@tweetsbyrocket

the characters from friends actually represent all seven deadly sins

monica:
chandler:
joey:
the monkey:
rachel:
phoebe:
ross: pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth

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@fro_vo

ENTER PASSWORD
password
YOUR PASSWORD IS TOO LITERAL PLEASE TRY AGAIN
again
ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW

@PearlsFromMyrna

I have decided to take a martial arts class to deal with the mall’s aggressive kiosk people.

@BuckyIsotope

ME: who’s a good boy
*kissy noises*
DOG: I just murdered the cat
ME: you are, yes you are
*rubs dog’s head*
DOG: you’re next buddy

@RunOldMan

One of the things I love to do is wait to go to the doctor until I’ve done enough research to tell him what’s wrong with me.

@dafloydsta

WIFE: You promised not to spend the lottery winnings on something stupid

ME: *climbing off my new elephant* He has a name, Karen

@UnFitz

She said she wanted to try spouse swapping. Next thing I know she’s trading me for a toaster.