@Brianhopecomedy: The city I live in has the highest rate of stalkings in Canada. I told a girl at the grocery store this. Then I told her at the gym.
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@Green_EyedMama: You're how old? *does quick math in head* Ok! I'm not old enough to be your mom ...lets do this! -justifying a bad decision with math
@AmishPornStar1: Hate when I lay out too close to the shoreline and the other beach goers team up to try to push me back in the water.
@mompsychologist: 5yo after licking my face: "Sorry. My mouth meant to kiss you but my brain told me to lick you."
@TomSchally: I hate it when I forget my password and the security questions make me relive all of my childhood.