Jay-Z is actually the 26th generation of the Jay family, which dates back to the middle-ages, when Jay-A invented rap.
The Dalai Lama and Gandhi aren’t the same? I thought they were basically Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana. I feel like people are messing with me.
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When the nun comes around to collect the offerings, I shell out a handful of change and a cucumber then give her a wink and a thumbs up.
Me: Baby-proofed the house like you wanted
Me: Ya. Locks, fence, barbed wire, the works
Me: No way a baby’s gettin in here.
protagonist: tag you’re it
antagonist: no you’re it
pennywise: are you kidding me?
i talk to dumb ppl the same way i talk to a puppy…
“who’s blocking the exit?? WHO? who’s blockin’ the way!?! YOU are! yes you are!!!”
My daughter is in China and sends me photos of mis-translations. This is my new favourite.
If I could give parents one advice it would be to never tell your kids about your good hiding spot. Take that to the grave.
[several months ago]
BEYONCÉ: Kim Kardashian might be having a 3RD baby
JAY-Z: How many we got
JAY-Z: Not a problem
Pretty disappointed to find out that “Toys for Tots” isn’t a program where I trade my kids’s toys for delicious tater tots.