@anerdonfire2: The date abruptly ended when an argument over who's the hottest Disney princess spiralled out of control.
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@the_couch_guy: People of Twitter: If you worry that you aren't creative enough, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
@ellentee: I wore a beanie hat in public and people kept trying to buy drugs from me. I made $1200 but now I'm out of breath mints.
@gamingheroritz: Instead of blocking your ex, become such a disaster online that everyone makes fun of your ex for dating you
@UnFitz: “This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you” he said, without even realizing that he was holding the tazer backwards.