If society ever starts using cat puke as currency, I’m set.
The date went downhill fast after I questioned which house from Harry Potter she belonged in.
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sucks to be a bad guy in the teenage mutant ninja turtle world like
“who stopped u”
“no they were like faster than normal”
[A snowman sees a sign for a snowblower]
Oh hell yeah
McDonalds wants you to tell your family you love them because if you keep eating McDonalds it won’t be long before you’re dead.
My name is Irving Markowitz.
You took my seafood.
Prepare to die.
I could be wearing a onesie right now, you don’t know.
My friends asked me to go camping so I made of a list of the things I will need: 1. new friends
customers really come up to me and ask “when this whole covid thing gonna be over?” Lmfao bro idk let me go ask my manager
I’m not waiting until I’m a ghost to tell people ‘get out of my house’ in a creepy voice
*walking into store*
Him: You need a cart?
Me: No, I’m just getting 2 things.
Him: *rolls eyes, grabs cart*
Marriage level: Expert