Being misunderstood is an art and apparently I should open a gallery.
The daughter is spending the night out tonight so the wife & I are going to do that thing we like to do when she’s gone.
*watch tv in separate rooms.
You Might Also Like
2016 has been pretty bad but at least girls stopped drawing mustaches on their index fingers and holding them under their noses.
[At the Rumble]
her *aggressively taking off earrings and heels*
me *desperately trying to find somewhere to set down my ice cream cone*
A lemonade stand is a good way to teach your kids the value of someone giving you money because they feel sorry for you.
Driver: I hope you’re not a serial killer, haha
Me *getting in*: well, I wouldn’t say ’serial‘
The first guy who heard a parrot talk was probably not ok for several days.
A box of Cadbury creme eggs just propositioned me. Now we’re in a van together.
Life is stupid. You can ACCIDENTALLY make a baby but you can’t ACCIDENTALLY make a cake.
Curious George Turns Off Google Image Safe Search
Me: *calling 911*
Husband: Well, Well, Well. Look who’s on her phone again.