I push everything I have across the table and confidently call “all in”.
“Omg, for the last time, this is chess”
[the day after I meet a genie]
boss: hey team, you can all leave five minutes early today
me: *loudly* oh wow so weird
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Kids, you can grow up and be
whoever you want …….. it’s called
[struts into party on stilts just as everyone starts talking about how they hate stilts. i try to turn around but careen over onto the cake]
[looking at photo album]
Me: Here’s the story of how daddy met mommy
Son: Why is your hair spiky…
Daughter: …and long in the back?
Yog see woman
Yog ask woman out
Yog go on date
Yog fall in love
Yog act like an idiot
Yog get dumped
I can’t remember why I walked into this room, but if you need to know the phone number of my best friend from fourth grade, I’m your gal.
The first “cowboy” was a hideous creature, born of irresponsible science.
If your cat is your “child,” I bet its “grandparents” are “sad”
I owe my mom for pretty much all of who I am.
So, if you’re looking for someone to blame, there you go.