@BoomBoomBetty: The difference between just buying your teenage son some food on the way home and texting him to ask what he wants is approximately $30.
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@JermHimselfish: Googled woodworking. Broke my coffee table down and built a birdhouse. Desk is now a birdhouse too. Pretty much everything's a birdhouse now
@ArfMeasures: Her: Do you have any fantasies? Me: Probably a ham sandwich that's a metre long Her: No I meant like hot ones Me: Oh yeah I'd toast the bread
@NoogsCorner: Hundreds of years ago, a group of fat women secretly met under the cover of darkness. That night, they invented the word "voluptuous."
@colourpancakes: What’s a movie everyone recommends to you but you’ve never seen? Mine’s the safety video for this forklift I’m operating.