FRIEND WHO JUST RECEIVED MAGICAL POWERS: idk what I should do first
FRIEND WHO IS TRAPPED IN AN OIL PAINTING FOR SOME REASON: I have an idea
the disturbing lack of time travellers arriving to stop 2020 happening suggests we never actually invent it
You Might Also Like
Stop giving me life advice, people who don’t know how crocodiles have sex.
Me: Whats wrong babe?
Me:*Pauses DVD of Shrek 2 that Ive had on a loop since losing my job* No somethings wrong I can tell.
I’ve got some sick beats.
No. Really. I need to take them to a doctor. The antibiotics aren’t working.
Which brand of vacuum cleaner would make the coolest birthday present for the wife?
A guy sat 6 feet across from me and tried to hit on me. I said, “what? I can’t hear you.” he goes, “Awww man!! Coronavirus be killing my game!!!” and left defeated.
GUYS GUYS GUYS, I just saw this dude wearing the stupidest . . . False alarm, just a mirror.
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own problems that I forget there are people having real fights on the internet.
BREAKING: Hillary Clinton concedes election to Donald Trump, saying “I just can’t see how I can win after Scott Baio endorsed Trump.”