The doctor told me that at some point I’ll have to stop partying and I said I’d cross that bridge and find a new doctor.

You Might Also Like


No YOU let your kid think he could turn the traffic lights green with his mind powers until he was 10 yrs old!


Me (age 26): *parties like a rock star*

Me (age 46): *plots against the raccoon that keeps getting into my bird feeder*


other 21 year olds: going on dates, bein cool, having fun

me: trying to become friends w/ the birds outside my house by offering them bread


I just want to know enough sign language to convince people to stop talking to me


“911? Yes I need to report an incident”

“What is it mam?”


“Getting real tired of this crap, Alicia.”


Two seats open.
One next to a good looking girl who noticed me as I walked in.
The other by a wall outlet.

She’ll find love in another man.


I don’t get why some girls don’t make airplane noises before putting their tampons in