“STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO”, I yell to my 5 year old.
the dog ran into a fence chasing a squirrel. she doesn’t look anything like me but she’s mine. i can tell
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Spent $20 on face coverings for my kids but I’m saving thousands of dollars on braces.
8 year old said “Don’t take life too seriously everything finds a way” then I freaked out because I didn’t know there was a kid in my apartment
Favourite diary entry ever
Exorcist: I’m here to remove the demon that has possessed you
Me: I didn’t call you
Demon: I did
Yes, I am a fully grown woman.
No, I won’t leave this ball pit.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
how to beat an egg:
– literally pick any game you want, they dont even have hands
“I wasn’t born yesterday” – Lying newborn baby
I have boogers but they are too big for these holes.
-my 5 yo on blowing his nose.