@UncleDuke1969

The dogs are drawn by their screams.

You Might Also Like

@LostCatDog

I’ve got just over 13 hours to lose 35 pounds and finish a novel

@PinkCamoTO

Enter Sandman is my favourite song about why I don’t have sex on the beach.

@pilau

me: if I’m guilty of anything it’s caring too much…

judge: no it’s armed robbery

me: *clenches fist* about money

@a_venezuelan19

Water is the solution to any problem… Do you want to lose weight? Drink more water. Stressful day? Take a warm bath. Tired of annoying people? Drown them.

@jctwritesstuff

*sets cauldron over crackling fire*
*adds lock of his hair*
*does magicky stuff*

Now love me.

**POOF**

*my left eyebrow falls off*

@HeyZeus666

I just realized that no matter what it says on my tombstone I’m going to have to read it upside down.

@KarlreMarks

When I travel I just throw my clothes in a suitcase because I know as an Arab they will search me at the airport and fold my clothes neatly.

@Marlebean

I just plugged the charger into my phone, in the correct hole, on the first try.

So it IS possible, guys.
IT. IS. POSSIBLE.

@Douchekevin

The problem was that everyone was poking my ex on Facebook.

And in my bed
And on my couch
And in my car
And when I was at work

@Darlainky

I’m ashamed how many times Google’s had to correct my spelling. Yes Google, I meant Shih Tzu not shits zoo.