The cabana boy was flirting with me at the pool, and my daughter told him he should go get some water if he was that thirsty. I can’t stop laughing.
The dollar tree has motion sensor Christmas ornaments that blast jingle bells in case your family doesn’t already hate you…
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Facebook: Holy Crap, I know this person.
Twitter: Good Lord, I know this person.
Guy: I don’t deserve you.
Girl: Awwwww…you’re so sweet…
Guy: I don’t mean that in a good way.
Grim Reaper: I have come for you
Grim Reaper’s Wife: You don’t have to say that every time we do it
MOBSTER: *cracks knuckles*
ME: that supposed to intimidate me?
*his fingers start to glow like glowsticks*
ME: k I’m scared but thats rad
I just saw a man get hit by a car…he got hit & fell down & then got up & chased the car down the block!!!! His legs must be strong as shit
“It got weird, didn’t it? ”
*Leaves on a pogo stick.*
There should be a YouTube compilation of the expressions on women’s faces when they discover a dress they are trying on also has pockets.
After placing me in charge of training new employees I can’t help but question my companies’ commitment to success.