@reesespiece_: The door to door bible people just skipped my house! See, all it takes is trying to kiss the guy and he wont be back (until 3am)
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@living_marble: Why must the weapons in Clue be so mundane? It's an imaginary murder. Why not a teapot full of bees, a laser gun, a poem so beautiful it kills?
@Home_Halfway: DATE: What do you do for a living? ME: I create makeup kits DATE: Oh that's so cool ME: Yeah, I'll put one together for you DATE: Aww you're making me blush
@EndhooS: Yelling "PARKOUR" whenever your toddler falls over is an easy way to make him look like a cool free runner rather than a clumsy little idiot
@noog: *notices battery is at 4%* *goes into airplane mode* *turns down brightness* *exits all apps* *prays to jesus and compliments his sandals*