@anerdonfire2: The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
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@theevilwriter: The local news says we can tell there's been a power failure with their new app. Call me old fashioned but the lack of lights tips me off.
@AbbieEvansXO: [when we’re a quarter of the way there] Bon Jovi: OOOOOOOOOH WE- Me: not yet Bon Jovi
@PaperWash: I'v been catfishing my best friend Dave for the last 3 weeks. He's gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I'm showing these emails to his wife.