@weinerdog4life: The elites don’t want you to know this but the ducks at the park are free you can take them home I have 458 ducks
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@badbanana: URGENT! IF MY BOSS ASKS YOU IF IT'S REALLY "NATIONAL THROW YOUR COFFEE AT YOUR BOSS DAY" PLEASE SAY YES.
@TheAlexP: *drunkenly sliding down telephone pole wearing oven mitts* Cop: Sir? May I ask you what you're doing? I'm a sexy fireman, rawr.
@PaperWash: Find everything OK, sir? Everything except happiness! You won't find that at Wal-Mart! We laughed & laughed until my credit card declined
@Skoogeth: cop: do you know who the murderer is? detective quasimodo: i have a [takes off sunglasses] decent lead cop: [obviously disappointed] oh detective quasimodo: what? cop: it’s just i thought you were gonna say you had a... nvm it’s not important