The escalator at the gym is broken, this is BULLSHIT.
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This guy in this waiting room is talking to me.
I’m gonna marry him so he’ll leave me alone.
EVERY SENTIENT & NON-SENTIENT CONGLOMERATION OF MOLECULES ON THIS EARTH HAS A BF. WTF.
“Last Christmas” is a strange song. It’s been 12 months and we’re just now addressing this situation?
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I’m sobering up.
Spilling a large bucket of Lavender oil all over your carpet: Very stressful, or very relaxing? #retweet #grief
*Invents silent snack packages. *Becomes president of the United States.
they say the average adult has sex 54 times a year. November and December are apparently going to be awesome
Trainer: Diet to hit your goal weight.
Me: Then what?
Trainer: Diet forever to maintain it.
Me: *heading to Pizza Hut* Nvm.
Me: Let’s have a fight with that guy you like
Brain: That’s not a good idea, he might actually like y…
Me: GOOD IDEA! WE ATTACK AT DAWN!