@mrjohntofu
@itsa_talia
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@itsa_talia
@SaltyCorpse
This guy in this waiting room is talking to me.
I’m gonna marry him so he’ll leave me alone.
@AlexvanBeek
EVERY SENTIENT & NON-SENTIENT CONGLOMERATION OF MOLECULES ON THIS EARTH HAS A BF. WTF.
@wilnettleton
“Last Christmas” is a strange song. It’s been 12 months and we’re just now addressing this situation?
@VodkaTiem
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I’m sobering up.
@P1ssed_K1d
AROMATHERAPY CONUNDRUM:
Spilling a large bucket of Lavender oil all over your carpet: Very stressful, or very relaxing? #retweet #grief
@JessObsess
*Invents silent snack packages. *Becomes president of the United States.
@anoticingsenpai
they say the average adult has sex 54 times a year. November and December are apparently going to be awesome
@Donna_McCoy
Trainer: Diet to hit your goal weight.
Me: Then what?
Trainer: Diet forever to maintain it.
Me: *heading to Pizza Hut* Nvm.
@Snarfernini
Me: Let’s have a fight with that guy you like
Brain: That’s not a good idea, he might actually like y…
Me: GOOD IDEA! WE ATTACK AT DAWN!