@cynicanoldicus: The ex wife once told me her greatest fantasy was kneeling in front of me while I spurted all over her. She never mentioned it was my blood.
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@FullMetalMommy: My Obgyn suggested I cut carbs to maintain a healthier pregnancy weight. Frankly, I'd rather cut the Obgyn.
@gruffybeard: Counselor: Why do you resent your wife Me: She made me get out of line for Springsteen tix C: Why M: Something about her water breaking
@TheBoydP: The hardest part of marriage is resisting temptation. Women just don’t understand how hard it is not to use a decorative towel.
@PaperWash: [ouija board] me: are there any spirits with us? Speak now ouija board: H E L L O F R O M T H E O T H E R S I D E me: ....please stop