The Exorcist (1973): a child is possessed by a demon. Hilarity ensues.

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My ex and I would role play from time to time. She would dress up as a teacher and call my mother to tell her that I ate the Crayons again.


Paranoid? I don’t even know what that word means. I don’t have time to learn new words, people are trying to kill me.


me: so you’re just going to pack up my things? as if none of this meant anything to you??

grocery bagger: what


6: can u get me a drink?

Me: no, you’re 6yo. You can get your own drink

6: fine *goes to fridge

Me: while ur there can u grab me a beer?


Wife: u can take Max to the park but ur not gonna wrestle other ppls dogs

Me in a spandex singlet: Im 16-0 Karen I have a title to uphold