You don’t need to use your words if you’re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
The expression should be “seeing things eyes to eyes”. Otherwise you’re suggesting a meeting of the minds between Cyclops
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me: *googling* am I dying
web md: nope just sad
me: oh good
web md: and extremely melodramatic tbh
me: that’s fair
web md: and I think your anxiety would be more manageable if you got a job and paid rent
me: *shouting from the basement* mom did you hack my computer again
coworker: What’d you get for Christmas?
coworker: What did your wife get?
me: ok so imagine if you were a horse—
my sister: bold of you to assume i’m not, but continue
[The Price is Right Wheel-O-Fate stops on the 🕳 symbol]
DREW: ooh that’s 8 days in the hole
[hole opens in the ground]
Pavlov: the dogs salivate when I ring a bell
Me: weird. Why?
Pavlov: they connect two unrelated events due to repeated conditioning
Me: haha stupid animals
Pavlov: the experiment took 69 days
When speaking to your wife, always end with, “but i could be wrong,” this way when she says you’re wrong, you’ll be right for a change.
Adored by women
Unfollowed by cat magazine.
If Twitter was invented by a woman, The character limit would be 10,000 characters.
So much to do right now
*cracks open beer*
So much to do tomorrow