@carlyken: The facial recognition on my iPhone recognizes me in sunglasses but not when I’m smiling
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@ericsshadow: [first date] I'm really nervous about this. It's been a long time since I've [holds fork up and squints] used silverware.
@Parentpains: "She must be shy" is probably what I say to myself the most when a woman abruptly moves across the country after talking to me.
@Sanbel11: You haven't Instagramed what you had for dinner yet? Please hurry up, the suspense is killing me.