@Sanbel11

The fact that he hasn’t texted back in a week, only tells me he is madly in love with me.

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@tsm560

All of my friends are in love and I’m still on my own but I’m not gonna feel bad for them.

@nypost

KFC suspends iconic ‘finger lickin’ good’ slogan amid coronavirus fears

@ThaJawn

To whoever hacked all the Yahoo accounts, please email me my Myspace login info. It’s in there somewhere…

@Cheeseboy22

Overheard in 2nd grade class today:
“Do your work! Santa’s watching right now.”
“Yeah, my mom told me that ship has sailed for me long ago.”

@Brianhopecomedy

Role playing in the bedroom was fun until my wife gave me a speeding ticket.

@hythemafia

Knock knock

“Who’s there?”

“Dejav”

“Dejav who?”

Knock knock