@DaddyJew: The fact that there ain't no rest for the wicked is probably why I'm always so tired
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@murrman5: "the immaturity and the copying are my main issues" I say in a whiny voice as my wife storms out of the counsellors office
@juanadog: Saw a sign on the highway that said "Kill or Injure a Road Worker: $7,500" but it doesn't tell me where to pick up the money...
@Tuna_Lover: I took my turtle for a walk. It's been six months and we are finally at the end of my driveway.
@timdonakowski: Someone needs to break it to my cat that she is not a security guard and my bathroom is not a VIP section.