@3sunzzz: The fact that there are countless First Responders alongside the street tells me everything I need to know about running marathons.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: How many legs does the dog have? 4 y.o: Five Me: There’s something wrong with your counting. 4: There’s something wrong with the dog.
@Ygrene: [my wife to everyone at the pool party] pls don't tell him, he's never known the truth [me loudly as I jump off the diving board] CABIN BALL
@gf3: me: *pretending to know about vegetables to impress the cashier* corm is one of my favorite yellows *gingerly taps banana*
@PinkCamoTO: I miss the 80s, when you could hide an alien in your room for 3 days before mom found out and five kids on bikes could outsmart the police.