*walks into gym, tags my location on Facebook, leaves*
The fact that there is even such a thing as ugly hookers tells you pretty much all you need to know about men…
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Please say a prayer for my former coworkers. They’re fine but they still work there
Why are you breaking up with me?
“You treat your dog like a baby. It’s weird”
Shh *puts hands over dog’s ears* he’s 26 months he understands
With God all things are possible; but with money all things are probable. And with a good accountant, they’re all deductible.
*notices battery is at 4%*
*goes into airplane mode*
*turns down brightness*
*exits all apps*
*prays to jesus and compliments his sandals*
I’d kill for a body like that BUT I WILL NOT EXERCISE FOR IT
I wonder if both Wright Brothers were behind their inventions, or it was just one & their mother yelling “Wilbur, you include your brother!”
Changing my name to Shotgun so my friends call me
Sitting in Home Depot parking lot, car hood open, and asking men if they can jump me.
Gay test: are you gay ?
If you answered yes, then you’re gay.