Never understood Monopoly. It’s like saying, “Hey we’re stressed out about real $, so let’s play a game & get stressed out about pretend $.
The family you’ve pictured in your mind, is never the one that shows up at the BBQ.
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*puts on sexy underwear and high heels*
*searches for scissors to extricate whip from hair*
Internet, just because I bought shoes from you once doesn’t mean I’m going to do it again. You’re coming across as desperate.
My heart goes out to all the parents who are about to see how much weight their kids have gained at college during the Thanksgiving break.
No YOU sober up, lamp.
*texts you back 2 years later…
Lol not much how about you
Maybe Bigfoot wouldn’t be so reclusive if we stopped body shaming him
Hub: What’s this?
Me: A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in & I’m a little closer to freedom.
Hub: *puts $100 in*
Farmers are always so proud of themselves until you ask if they can put the milk back in the cow