@Marcmywords2
@sammyrhodes
Never understood Monopoly. It’s like saying, “Hey we’re stressed out about real $, so let’s play a game & get stressed out about pretend $.
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@sammyrhodes
@Smooheed
*puts on sexy underwear and high heels*
*grabs whip*
*flicks whip*
*searches for scissors to extricate whip from hair*
@michaelianblack
Internet, just because I bought shoes from you once doesn’t mean I’m going to do it again. You’re coming across as desperate.
@JennyJohnsonHi5
My heart goes out to all the parents who are about to see how much weight their kids have gained at college during the Thanksgiving break.
@shayf_
No YOU sober up, lamp.
@SillySassySmart
*texts you back 2 years later…
Lol not much how about you
@NomDeBenoit
Maybe Bigfoot wouldn’t be so reclusive if we stopped body shaming him
@Book_Krazy
Hub: What’s this?
Me: A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in & I’m a little closer to freedom.
Hub: *puts $100 in*
Me:…
@JasonLastname
Farmers are always so proud of themselves until you ask if they can put the milk back in the cow
@tumbIrhumor
