A great vocabulary is such a turn on. A guy used the word “bifurcated” during a meeting and I almost threw my panties at him.
The fastest land animal is a guy that sees a woman about to go through his phone
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Shaved my legs and now I keep sliding off the bed.
To everyone I ever mocked for accidentally running your earbuds through the washer: I have some news that will please you.
[Ancient Greek Dandruff Shampoo Commercial]
MEDUSA: *looking super embarrassed, trying to casually brush a bunch of shed snake skins off her shoulders*
Every time I lose a sock I like to imagine it went to set one of Dobby’s house elf friends free.
Petulant: (defn.) a cat or dog you let a friend borrow
I have a joke about the pandemic but it’s taking too long to finish
Cereal is basically dog food for humans.
I caught my nephew doing drugs with me last night.
anyone who’s put together Ikea furniture knows damn well why they call it a hex wrench