@scottthetwat

The FBI agents that will eventually search your basement
won’t be able to sleep for a very long time.

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@Laser_Cat

America only considers a war a success if we build a Bed Bath and Beyond in the enemy’s capital.

@alldrolledup

Body: All done?
Brain: All done.
Body: goodnight
Brain: goodnight
Body:
Brain:

Brain: Flintstone tiptoed a lot for a big dude

@AngryRaccoon2

Most people don’t put music on for pets when they go out, but here’s me going back in the house to change it cuz the dog only likes Top 40.

@iMonkGreen

There are two types of people in this world:

1)People who tried to move an object with their mind at least once

2)Liars

@caliluvgirl77

“I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone”

-girls who can’t figure out boyfriend’s passwords

@DothTheDoth

As your goth healthcare provider I urge you to drink water. There is nothing more attractive or intimidating than a hydrated goth.