the first guy to ride a horse was all like GIDDYUP HORSEY and the horse was all like DAMMIT WHO TOLD HIM THAT MAKES US GO

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I’m not saying the character Merida was modeled after me,

but I too would rather win an archery contest than be married.


I don’t get how people still get attacked by sharks. DON’T THEY HEAR THE MUSIC?


Have my doubts about this “smart water,” considering how easily it’s captured and bottled.


Always the bridesmaid, never the terrifying mist that consumes the souls of the townspeople at random


When my toddlers are teenagers I’m going to wake them up in the middle of the night to tell them I’m thirsty


When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever.


A bouncy castle with a low cement ceiling to teach you not to have too much fun


[alternate universe where vegetables enforce the law]

person: *sees a robbery* I’m calling the crops


If we have learned anything from the Friday the 13th movies, it’s that Jason mainly kills people having sex. Most of you should be good.