@Mr_Kapowski

“The first mechanic lied to you”

– Every 2nd opinion mechanic

You Might Also Like

@aka_fatman

Sure, your carpenter could turn water into wine, Father. Now let ME tell you about a plumber who can increase his size by eating mushrooms.

@eggnook

Pennies from heaven would actually be quite devastating.

@_Water_Baby

No YOU are a drama queen said the fainting goat to the opossum.

@HuggyOnline

Kids these days can’t do shit without #Google. When I was a kid I didn’t have Google. So, I pretty much couldn’t do shit.

@FuckabillyRex

Tonight I sleep on a bed of fried chicken and biscuits. The colonel drizzles me with gravy. Is this heaven or hell?

It’s both.

@SteveSackington

If your mother in law and your father in law were both engulfed in flames, and you only had one fire extinguisher,

where would you hide it?

@leechee420

Watching a show about women who choose to give birth outside. Like, let’s take the most painful experience of my life and add bugs and shit.

@ArfMeasures

Doctor: You suffer from delusions

Me: I don’t think so

Doctor: They seem real but they’re not

Stuart Little: He’s lying to you

Me: Yeah I know

@hereholddeez

SAW 14:
HELLO JIMMY
I WANT TO PLAY A GAME
THE DOOR IS 10FT AWAY
THE FLOOR IS COVERED IN LEGOS
YOU’RE PROBABLY WONDERING WHERE YOUR SHOES ARE

@praisecheese

This fall on Fox:
X-Files Babies.
Baby Skully and Baby Mulder meet at a petting zoo when they both get knocked over by the same goat.