We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@Mr_Kapowski: "The first mechanic lied to you"
- Every 2nd opinion mechanic
@maisonwithapen: sorry I'm late. I tripped on my cat and so had to kiss him for 45 minutes
@summerlvn82: [ At the grocery store ]
Cashier: Is that everything?
Me: Nope. I got all this invisible shit, too
@Tmoney68: June 1885 - The Statue Of Liberty arrives in the U.S. in 350 pieces with no instructions.
Future IKEA magnate: "That gives me an idea."
@QwertyJones3: The older I get, the more my feet hurt. I guess it's true... time wounds all heels.
@rolldiggity: 1. Hide babies all over house.
2. If a kid asks, "Where do babies come from?" laugh, "Where DON'T they come from!" and open every cabinet.