Some of you have had some fabulous public meltdowns this year.
From all of us, thank you x
“The Force Awakens” had 0 people riding giant CGI lizards.
How is that even science fiction?
They might as well rename it “Downton Abbey.”
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Could a murderer do THIS?
*lawyer points to defendant doing cool tap dance*
I remind the jury that only guilty feet have got no rhythm.
This is nice.
This is also pretty cool.
Oh okay this is my favorite.
Me: Dammit I’m not gonna let you die on my watch
Her: *chokes* It’s too late
Me: *leans in close* Get off my watch. It’s a Rolex.
‘babe, i’m ready’ -says my wife, from the bedroom
‘be right there’ -i say from the bathroom, trying furiously to untangle my yo-yo string
Librarian: *glares at me*
Me: Look lady, I can do this all day.
Real Road Signs
(What they mean)
(Unattended orange cone zone)
Just slammed my foot on the pedal trying to impress a girl. Turns out she’d seen a bin opened like that before.
You know what I’d like for Christmas, mom? I’d like you to stop treating me like a child. Also I’d like some money and some new socks.
I eat a banana like corn on the cob so no one gets the wrong idea.