I got a letter from a bill collector saying this is the last time they will attempt to contact me, so this problem really solved itself
*the force awakens*
*the dark knight rises*
*they make eye with eachother adn realize they were sleepig in the same bed*
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me: imma turn the ceiling fan on
giraffe wife: *on top* noooooooo
Kid: I had a nightmare. There were these flowers but then they turned into clowns and they swung around this elephant and then demon faces came out and the whole time there was this awful music playing.
Cirque Du Soleil Producer: *taking notes* go on.
I didn’t think there’d be a sequel for “To Kill A Mockingbird.” I just assumed that they all lived Harper Lee ever after
Mrs. Jekyll: I’m eating for two
Dr. Jekyll: oh no not you too
Damn girl are you a bag of sunflower seeds? Cause I wanna spend a bunch of money, work really hard and not be completely satisfied
Twitter should have ” Throwing tomato” button.
19 showed us what he has learned at college when he asked “can we drink screwdrivers while we are opening presents?”
IF SEAL IS BROKEN, PLEASE NOTIFY ZOOKEEPER IMMEDIATELY