@YuckyTom: the funniest thing i’ve ever said was on april 11th 2009 to my dad’s cat and no one else was around to hear it. a car horn honked and he hopped off my bed and ran downstairs and i said “oh shit is your ride here” and laughed alone to myself for like five minutes straight
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@dwaghalter: "What if a third team came and attacked these two teams?" - my daughter, not understanding football/making football more awesome
@tat2dsoccermom: My boyfriend said he wanted me to be more affectionate, so now I have TWO boyfriends.
@andlikelaura: FRIEND 1: wanna see a pic of my cat ME: yes! FRIEND 2: wanna see a pic of my bird ME: yes! FRIEND 3: wanna see a pic of my dog ME: omg yes! FRIEND 4: wanna see a pic of my baby ME: ugh fine
@panmidwest: [BAR] Me: What do you recommend? Barkeep: Moscow Mule, Mojito, Old Fashi- M: [Puts finger to his lips] which tastes the most like Capri-sun?