The Girl with the Hot Dog Tattoo

You Might Also Like


At my funeral I want the priest to read out a long bit about how much I loved darts. I don’t love darts but my family and friends will be like “wow we never really knew him”.


Me – I’m not in the mood to work today

My bank account – you better GET in the mood


I bet Thor would lose his shit if he knew how many hammers are at Home Depot.


I just watched one bird chase another bird from tree to tree for five minutes.

It was probably over a stolen tweet.


Astrology seems kinda silly to me, but what do I know? I’m a Pisces, and we’re just so damn indecisive.


Told my girlfriend she should scream out ‘my god you’re huge’!! at her gynaecologist appointment to freak out the others in the waiting room


Dentist: open
Me: *opens*
Dentist: wider
Me: *opens more*
Dentist: wider
Me: *opens more*
Dentist: that’s it, now come in and take a seat


If cops can drive undercover cars, we should be able to drive cop cars. It’s only fair.


You think you’ve doing an okay job as a parent, and then you learn your 8 year-old has only been pretending to brush his teeth for two months.