@isabelzawtun

The Golden Girls is the most relatable TV show for a millenial, as I too will be renting with several roommates until I’m 80

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@_Water_Baby

Bruises are your bodies way of reminding you that you should nap more and gallivant less.

@3sunzzz

If you want to receive a text message every 3 minutes for an hour, send your husband to the grocery store.

@FeelingEuphoric

[teaching my boyfriend cards]

ME: the blue ones represent logic, the yellow are morality & order, the green use instinct & interdependence, and the red value chaos & impulse

HIM: *frantically flipping through UNO instruction booklet*

@daemonic3

[1st day as a mechanic]

CUSTOMER: can you check my tire alignment?

ME: umm, sure [nervously inspecting tires] I think they are Chaotic Evil

@Havish_AF

You know you’re ordering too much takeout food when the delivery guy replies ” it’s me” when you ask who’s at the door.

@androszr

Remember not to laugh at your ex wife’s choices. You were one of them.

@Reverend_Scott

[kisses daughter goodnight]
Sleep tight.

“Daddy, where do babies come from?”

Um, the Stork.

[stork knocks on bedroom window] He’s lying.