@TheDreamGhoul: the guy at the liquor store didn't card me and it hurt my feelings so I said I was a cop and idk what to do next we're just standing here
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@RubyBottoms: The ex says he's come into some money and can finally "take care" of me. Wait...he's gonna have me killed isn't he?
@1_swarthy_dude: I asked my wife to pick up some 25yr caulk at Home Depot and she's been in the bathroom getting ready for hours.
@TonyFratto: I joke but this Scotland thing is nuts. I mean...imagine if Canada ever tried to secede from the U.S.