The guy who discovered boomerangs must have been terrified

You Might Also Like


my dog hates his nails getting clipped so my dad literally bought a purse & cut holes in it


[fancy restaurant]

me: isn’t this dim lighting so romantic?

moth date: [shrugs]


Ground control: He says he loves you very much

Mrs Major Tom: What’s he done this time?


The neighbors set off fireworks at 2:45 AM so I decided to leaf blow the entire street in front of their house at 6:00 AM.


Sometimes I try to eat healthy but my stomach’s like “what if you die tomorrow?” and I’m like “good point” and I have a whole pizza.


Name the only building in the world with 80,000 stories

The library

(My 6yo told me to tweet this)


The best reply to “I love you” is “Well that’s a terrible idea.”


When I see Jehovas I talk to them right through my doorbell camera and tell them I’m not home.