@kah_mee_lah

the h in university stands for happiness

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@sarahwcurtis

Yes, I did a photo shoot with my thesis. Longest labor ever. #phdlife

@imdaintyaf

What’s the best way to dispose of a dead body? Was asking for a friend, but he was being a whiny shit about it, so now I’m asking for me.

@deedles420

My husband said he was taking a spider out, instead of killing it. That was an hour ago. I bet they’re drunk by now.

@CommonSavant

Mom: Why can’t you be successful like your brother?
Amazon: heh
Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons!

Thanksgiving at the Primes

@JKNenagh

a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said… don’t do it man … you will never here the end of it!