the h in university stands for happiness
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Yes, I did a photo shoot with my thesis. Longest labor ever. #phdlife
What’s the best way to dispose of a dead body? Was asking for a friend, but he was being a whiny shit about it, so now I’m asking for me.
[before animals were invented]
plants: this is nice
My husband said he was taking a spider out, instead of killing it. That was an hour ago. I bet they’re drunk by now.
It wasn’t a crisis until my mother heard about it.
Mom: Why can’t you be successful like your brother?
Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons!
Thanksgiving at the Primes
a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said… don’t do it man … you will never here the end of it!
can I use a minion as a tampon
I WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO THE EARTH’S MANAGER