@PaperWash: the hardest part about boxing is not falling in love with your opponent when he hugs you
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@TheRolo: Customer: Excuse me, are you the manager? Those Xmas Hams are expired Manager: Um... [changes sign to "Vintage Hams"] Hipster: I'll take 4
@carlyken: doctor: and how long has your most recent panic attack been going on me: probably since the summer of 2015
@rachelle_mandik: my toddler lifts up a piece of her salad and declares, "it's a leaf, mommy." and then: "let's put it back outside."