What idiot called it a transplant and not re-organ-izing?
The hardest part of being an astronaut would probably be the constant smell of poop in my spacesuit any time something went slightly wrong.
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here’s a life hack for you dieters out there. if you bury food in the ground and then dig it up, that food is a vegetable now.
Just imagine if Usain Bolt was your father and you were trying to run away from a beating.
Our family’s annual tradition, as I put up the tree, everybody gathers around to watch my wife tell me I’m stringing the lights wrong.
Does Target have crack floating through their air vents? Went in to buy milk, came out with a giraffe, 6-pack, someone’s kid, and a headache
lost a tooth? replace it with a chiclet. got a bum ticker? put a clock inside your ribs. got raccoon eyes? give them back, silly. those don’t belong to you
My boyfriend wakes me up when he wants to have sex… Do I wake him up when I want to buy shoes???… No!!!