The Hogwarts teachers must have felt so stupid when their traps designed to keep Voldemort from the stone were beaten by three 11 year olds

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3 year old daughter: “I want marijuana.”
Me: “What did you say?”
3 year old: “Marijuana.”
Me: “Huh? I don’t know what you’re asking for.”
3 year old gets remote and turns on Netflix and points to movie.
Me: “OOOHHH…Moana!”


Sure reading a book under a tree is peaceful but imagine how stressful it is for the tree to see a bunch of it’s dead friends in your hand.


Ladies time to start dating the older dudes

They can get you in the grocery store earlier


Cool prank:
Dig up 200 earthworms. I will tell you about the rest of the prank later


My son got hungry so I gave him a snack. His teacher is gonna say how he can’t eat and before I knew it, I yelled from the kitchen “Girl, he is at home honey!” & then there was silence…….


Hahaha stupid person… When it says 55mph it really means 64mph………Idiot turtle person


The Katy Perry song that goes, “You’re hot and you’re cold,” was actually about a microwaveable burrito.


the hippothalmus is the part of the brain that controls how hungry hungry you get


I found some dignity. If no one claims it in 24 hours, I’m keeping it.