@The_Law_Boy
you guys all say you hate lawyers until you need our help navigating the extremely burdensome and unforgiving system we designed
@dog_feelings
the human has made quite the sandwich for lunch. but when i placed my chin on their knee. and looked up at them softly. they only offered me. a piece of lettuce. nobody talk to me. for the rest of the day
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@The_Law_Boy
@TwinSurvivalist
While presenting on a work conference call I imagine everyone nude so I don’t feel like the only one.
@UncleDuke1969
[renovating house]
ME: How much to add a panic room?
CONTRACTOR: About $50,000.
ME: How about a mild anxiety room?
@SteveKoehler22
A journey of a thousand miles
begins with-running back in the house for
something you forgot.
@TheRealPalMal
Should I shampoo my carpet before using my air conditioner?
@rajandelman
Can’t believe anyone would attack this place
@Parkerlawyer
I’m chaperoning a graduation party tonight. I have lots of fun activities planned.
I hope they like monopoly.
@hippieswordfish
ME: *fumbling with bra* sorry im usually good at this
HER: its…fine
ME: *successfully gets bra off* there we go, now you take off yours
@Mr_Kapowski
You know you’re good when they have to add an amendment to the company handbook cause they never thought anyone would do what you did
@kumailn
“Pizza is always good.” – everyone
“We’ll see about that.” – Papa John’s