@qwertygirl: The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
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@SamGirlSunday: If Kim Kardashian & Snooki were drowning & I could only save one, I'd have a hard time deciding whether to make a sandwich or take a nap.
@GrantTanaka: [supermarket] bagger: would you like some help out to your car? me: [lies down] oh that would be delightful
@fro_vo: Cop: i told you this land is off limits Me: oh i thought you said it was all flimits Cop: wtf are flimits Me: idk let's go look Cop: ok