@causticbob

The inventor of predictive text has died.

His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

You Might Also Like

@meechonmars

BREAKING NEWS: lost city of atlantis found in detroit pothole

@LoveNLunchmeat

Yesterday my daughter asked how babies are made, and I gave such a terrible explanation she now thinks babies come from eggs.

@corinnemlwsw

The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I’m married to it.

@WilliamAder

Remember when we thought “Any kid can grow up to be President” was a good thing?

@hurlarious

Bored? Find group photo of 4 women on Instagram. Comment “You 3 look incredible!!”

@SufficientCharm

I was doing well on my diet until I got my period and had to eat four pieces of pizza, a block of cheese, two candy bars, and seven houses.

@AnkCoupleTO

*84th flr*
CW: You look sad, can I cheer you up?
M: Heard Van Halen’s “Jump”?
CW: Sure!
Me: Jump out that window and sing it on the way down

@Cheeseboy22

Some jerk called me “pretentious” so I called him a “planktupus.” I can make up nonsense words too.

@dlockw21

Being a parent is great because you get to start conversations like:

Hey buddy, don’t leave your tooth on the coffee table.