@bornmiserable

THE INVENTOR OF THE HUG: if you feel uncomfortable now, get ready to feel even more uncomfortable

You Might Also Like

@JasonLastname

Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.

@KrangTNelson

RUNNER: this is called “carbo-loading. we eat lots of heavy food

ME: that’s great. love it

RUNNER: then we go for a nice long run

ME: no

@gibbet

As I stood there looking at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself …………I’m gonna get thrown out of ikea in a minute..

@LittleMissAngr1

Had an awkward phone convo with my little niece as she kept insisting my cat is such a good pervert. I vehemently denied this allegation and only as she presented her supporting arguments did I finally agree that he is indeed a very good PURRER.

@TheBoydP

If by “chivalry is dead” you mean “I put my coat in a puddle for my wife so she’s making me do laundry for a week” then yes chivalry is dead

@Alex_N_Chains

If you don’t think monkeys are adorable, then you can suck macaque.

@Divergentmama

Me: I’m so tired of being stuck at home – I’d give anything for a reason to leave

*gets email that sports practices start next week*

Me: not like that

@UnFitz

“How many fingers do I have up?”

– a gynecologist who thinks he’s really funny