Each time a person sneezes on an airplane, that sneeze circulates the entire airplane cabin before being filtered out by vents.
The irony of my developing severely crippling stomach cramps minutes after reading a cheesy old love story isn’t lost on me.
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Me:”The store didn’t have any bread so I brought flour”
Wife:”If they didn’t have butter would you buy a cow”
*sound of hooves in kitchen*
“Here you go body some nutritious food, how bout some energy?”
Body: “I shall make this into nose hair”
Of course I’ll buy a harmonica for a 3 year old. He doesn’t live with me
When someone sneezes, I whisper, “Goes in tight..” It’s actually German for “Bless you”, but it sounds so naughty.
When I eat spaghetti I always check both ends of the noodle so I don’t accidentally kiss a dog.
[showing off the 13” dildo i found in the dumpster behind 7/11] he’s a rescue
He was a hip
She was a po
Can they be any more potamus
Taco Bell is no longer going to be offering kids meals. Probably because kids are rarely drunk enough to want Taco Bell.
A triumphant is an especially successful elephant.