My wife bought a rice cooker today. I guess we’re going to eat a ton of rice over the next few days and then never again.
The last time I checked, I was a weirdo.
Let me check again. Yep, still a weirdo.
You Might Also Like
Mankind is capable of unimaginable feats of engineering and yet the windows on the airplane never line up with the seats.
DAD: please help find my daughter
DETECTIVE: what does she look like
DAD: [scrolling thru 9,674 selfies of her with snapchat filters] I D… I DON’T KNOW
A good spouse doesn’t complain about watching their partner’s stupid shows. A good spouse looks up spoilers online then slowly and strategically makes what appear to be highly astute observations about characters & plotlines, planting seeds that may not bloom for several seasons.
relationships are fun if you like being yelled at for facing the wrong direction while you sleep
*Passive-aggressively skips through your selfies and only likes pics of your dog*
I thought my 1-year-old had hints of red in her hair like me. Turned out she had dried-up sweet potato in her hair…also like me.
A Parenting Mad Lib:
Why is there ____(adjective)____ ____(noun)____ all over the ____(noun)____? If you don’t stop ____(verb ending in “ing”)____ and clean it up by the time I count to ____(number)____, I swear I’m going to ____(empty threat)____!