@pdxjohnny99: The last time I danced in public people gave me money to find a cure.
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@BigBagOfScum: Waiter, "Welcome to red lobster, I'm your seafood expert." me- "did you know octopuses have a beak?" W-"no" Me- "who's the expert now?"
@Merman_Melville: I'm a female historian who specializes in war atrocities, check out my blog "The War Atrocity Babe"
@GrillinChillin9: Wife: Can I have one of your french fries? Me: No, I don’t have that many. My dog: Can I have one? Me: OMG yes. Here, take them all.
@The_Sculptress: Every night when you sleep,I sneak into your house, full of desire. I then reduce the amount of marshmallowy treats in your cereal&go home.